My Favourite Blogger Calls It Quits

Forced out by fear and the Egyptian State Security Agents lurking, the Sandmonkey has called it quits. I'm very sad because he has given me an insight into life and politics in the middle east from his perspective. I didn't always agree with him but in light of the fact that another blogger has been jailed in Egypt I can understand.

This is his last post, may he return some day when he feels safe. So to all of us who think that we are anonymous and safe, maybe we aren't?

Another blogger I read is Baghdad Burning. She hasn't posted for a while and I always worry about her safety. I don't know anything about her except she's a young female and her story is from the perspective of living in an occupied land. She and her family are now leaving Baghdad and I wish them every success. I cannot imagine leaving my country, home and life behind. I was just seven years old when my parents did the same, albeit not as refugees but as immigrants. They too left most of their old life, possessions, parents and friends behind to start a new life in Canada. It was not an easy beginning for them or me in 1956 and I hope that it will be easier for Baghdad Burning.

Another Donato Gem

This is the Premier of Ontario and come October he just may be the ex Premier. One can only hope.

There was a photo in today's paper which unfortunately I can't find on line but if you can picture Ontario Environment Minister standing in front of the FlickOff Sign right under the L and I. What shows in the photo is F..ck Off. There is some commentary on this subject here.

Here is the NDP's take on the slogan;

The slogan’s font is clearly designed to make flick look like a four-letter-word. New Democrat Peter Kormos reacted by saying it “blows his flicking mind” how Broten could be involved with the campaign, which includes stickers and T-shirts. “I think it’s a flicking embarrassment.”

Here is an interesting view on this subject from another blogger.

Now we know that's not what she really meant to tell us, or is it? I mean some of us really like nice bright light to knit or read by and not those awful, cold, blue fluorescent bulbs. Ontario is banning incandescent lightbulbs come 2012 so unless they come up with a nicer, stronger bulb I'm in trouble. I guess I will have to smuggle my bulbs in from the US.

Spectacular Rant!

My best rant to date happened today at the hospital. Little background, my Mom has been hospitalized for over three weeks for irregular heart beat and a possible mini stroke. She has been allowed to languish in a bed, in diapers with no one really making an effort to either walk her or toilet her.

I have been given various diagnosis including Failure to Thrive, Ataxia, Dementia and Heart Failure. I buy the heart failure, the rest is all bullshit. Finding a doctor has been near impossible and I'm beginning to think they are avoiding me because I ask too many questions.

Today finally she was given a pacemaker, albeit just a single chamber, which doesn't sit well with me. I was give no reasonable explanation other than, oh well, we can use drugs. Well no, the whole point is to have has few drugs as possible, my Mom doesn't tolerate drugs very well.

I arrived at the hospital by 9:30 am and left at 4:30. Somewhere around 3 I had my meltdown and the person to catch the brunt of my anger happened to be the social worker. It's not her fault I recognize that and I didn't yell or scream. It was a very calm rant but I made my feelings very clear. If my mother had been younger or had been a political figure she would not have waited three weeks for this procedure. I say that because our previous Governor General of Canada, Adrienne Clarkson received a pacemaker within 24 hours. I spoke briefly with the Surgeon who was from a different hospital just helping out for the day and he was very clear that after three weeks bedridden, my mother was suffering from hospital failure to thrive. That is clearly their fault but no one will accept any responsibility.

When I returned at dinner time predictably my Mom was confused again as a result of the drugs given to perform the surgery. I apparently missed the doctors by 5 minutes, yeh right. After three weeks, they know my schedule. I'm there twice a day for 5 hours total, they were just avoiding me. Hopefully by tomorrow the picture will be brighter and I will be in a better mood. Maybe I'm just tired.

Today It's Three Weeks!

It really feels like it's been forever since my Mom was admitted to hospital but it's really only been three weeks albeit the longest three weeks of my life.

Here's what I've learned so far, not all hospitals are created equal, not all nurses are caring, when you are elderly, doctors appear to think you have lived your life, and oh well, maybe it's time to go. And then there are the room mates! That's a whole other post.

We really had no choice of hospital that day but it is one of the worst, in fact it's to bad that my own GP has warned me about going there for anything major. It is not a teaching hospital and the doctors don't really work as a team. So far we have had a Neurologist, Psychiatrist, Geriatrician, and two Cardiologists and trying to get any information from any of them has been like pulling teeth. They fob things off on each other. If I didn't insist daily on information I wouldn't be getting any.

This is not a problem for me, I can be pretty determined when it comes to those I love, but I really wonder how others who are not as determined as I am, or don't have a grasp of the language or access to Internet information can cope.

Now as much as I adore my mom's GP, who is a very gentle man with elderly and makes house calls, I am very angry with him. Why, well just over a year ago when he had an echo gram of my Mom's heart done I specifically asked about a pacemaker and was told, no it wouldn't help. Just drugs and exercise. He did not arrange a cardio exam but he said he had consulted with one and the feeling was mutual.

So for the last year I have been giving my Mom her pills and pushing her to exercise and walk even though she was getting weaker all the time,her heart actually stops for up to five seconds. I thought that pushing her was the right thing to do because that's what the doc said, she's de-conditioned he said, keep her moving. Wrong, all it did was stress her heart more unbekenownst to me. Should she have had a heart monitor, yes. Do I feel guilty, you betcha. Did the doctors mess up, damm right they did.

Now she has been waiting more than a week for a pacemaker and is getting weaker by the day. If her INR levels are good she will get it tomorrow, if not it will be next week. They don't operate on Fridays?

That's the thing with this socialized one size fits all health care system we have in Canada, we all join the wait list equally, can't purchase private care, but may all die waiting equally. I really hope that Mom can hang on, after all I promised her a cruise to Alaska in August. Wouldn't want to break a promise...

How Responsible Should Our Government Be?

That is the question of the day.

When Canadian citizens choose to travel back to the countries that they escaped from as refugees, how responsible shall the Canadian government be when they get into trouble or end up in jail? It has the opposition parties in a uproar these days, I mean really, let's send in the big guns to Egypt and China and rescue our poor citizens. Mohamed Essam Ghoneim al-Attar, has been jailed in Egypt for 15 years for being an Israeli spy. He denies it vehemently and claims to being tortured. He probably is being tortured, but what is Canada to do?

He fled Egypt, the land of his birth six years ago as a refugee and made a decision to go back to visit friends and family. Very bad decision.

The other case is of Huseyin Celil, who grew up in China and came to Canada as a refugee in 2001. He had a lot less luck actually, he will be in jail for life in China accused of the two crimes of "separating China and ... organizing, leading and participating in terrorist groups and organizations" according to a Chinese Foreign Ministry spokesman. His wife and children live in Toronto and claim he is innocent. He only went back to visit family and again in my opinion, a very bad decision.

Now maybe I'm really stupid or something but it seems to me that when you escape from a country and claim refugee status in a new country you would think long and hard before you decided to go back.

After immigrating to Canada my Mom, who had family in the former East Germany didn't go back for many years because she was afraid they wouldn't let her out again. She never saw her parents alive again. Finally, a couple of years before the wall came down she decided to risk it knowing full well that no one would come to her rescue if things went bad. I tried my darndest to talk her out of it but she was pretty adamant. Of course she got out again, but she was just a little fish, wasn't into anything political and they had no real reason to keep her, but I worried the whole time she was gone and it could have turned into a bad decision.

There is currently another Canadian in trouble, this time in Ethopia. Bashir Makhtal is being detained and of course, family and friends say he is innocent....

I am not making a judging as to whether or not these men are guilty or innocent, but a Canadian passport cannot guarantee you unlimited freedom to roam the big bad world at will. There are countries out there who simply don't give a shit what citizenship you have taken, and you go out there at your own peril.

The Newest Pictures Of Elliotte (Ellie) Rositta Anne

Big Brother number one is Justin



Big Brother number two is Bradyn



Big Brother numer three is Cassidy


And this is the little girl they will be protecting. These are the newest pictures of little Ellie and according to the offspring she fits 3 month size clothes. No newborn stuff for her. She's looking a little more relaxed today now that the trauma of being born is over.

Welcome To The World

IMG_2208.JPG
Originally uploaded by TeddyBoy.

This is my newest grandchild who weighed in at 10 lbs. 3 oz. That is one big baby girl. That's my offspring holding her and from what I can see she is frowning. Welcome to the world.

Her name is Elliotte Rositta Anne, quite a mouthful for this little one. She's going to have come issues with pronunciations.
We'll just call her Ellie.

It's A Girl - Yeah, It's A Girl!

That's pretty much all I know this morning having not spoken to the offspring directly. I do know that after many hours of labour it was a cesarean delivery. I will update when I have more information.

Now I can knit more pink girlie stuff...ohe yeh, the Calgary Flames beat the Detroit Red Wings 3 to 2, go Calgary.

Life Is Like A Roller Coaster

Only I hate roller coasters, they make me sick.

Yesterday my Mom was meant to be moved to another ward awaiting transfer to a rehab hospital but that was nixed by the head nurse who told me that her heart was somewhat unstable. By today that all changed and she was now considered medically stable.

My first phone call of the morning was from the social worker to advise that a bed available in rehab for Monday morning and all was well. Half hour later same social worker called again and said there had been a change and no, apparently she wasn't stable after all and would not be going to rehab. Instead, I was told, they were now going to put in a pacemaker. Yay, said I, finally. I had been asking about pacemakers for over a year and was told it wouldn't help her!

When I spoke to the doctor later in the morning he admitted that maybe her confusion would lift once the heart was operating properly. One can only hope...the wait is on, I don't know when they will do the operation but I hope it's soon.

Oh, one more thing, on the grandbaby front...my offspring mentioned that he had playoff tickets for tonights game between Calgary Flames and the Detroit Red Wings. He said if Ti goes into labour today he'd be "awfully pissed". Well guess what? Looks like the baby might be on the way. Too bad Teddy.

An Update: Teddy's really pissed, he missed the hockey game (just kidding, he's excited). Ti's in labour and I've had two calls from the hospital. Thus far she is 7.5 cm dilated and they need 10 cm. It's a big baby I think and Ti is tiny, just around 5 foot nothing. I guess we will know soon, no sleep for me tonight.

Altzheimers? The Dreaded Diagnosis

Except I'm not buying it, at least not at the present. It would be way too scary for me to deal with especially after recently reading an old post from a fellow blogger about her experiences with her Mom. I read this some time ago and it brought me to tears and today I read it again just to refresh my memory.

This is not my mother, at least not yet. The only memories she has lost are short term, in other words, she remembers all of yesterday and beyond but can't remember that I was there for lunch or what she at. I think with some work I can get mind working again. I still think it was the drugs that did it because this kind of stuff doesn't just come on suddenly. Last week she was hallucinating and this week she's not. The difference is that last week she was given Digoxin and this week they stopped it. I live in hope that all will be well.

Her heart has been stabilized for the time being and she is now on the wait list for a rehab hospital where they will do their best to get her walking again. She did walk maybe 40 feet today with a walker so that's a start. Once the legs are working again I will bring her home. That's the plan... now maybe I can do some more knitting and the grand baby better get here soon. It's now officially 8 days late, come on guys.

Finally, A New Post

But don't get too excited, there's not much to tell. I was reminded this morning by a blogger buddy that I have been absent of late to I will explain what's up. In order to not have to type twice, I'm doing my post on my knitting blog, over here.

Seems like a smart thing to do right now since I'm a bit short of time.

One More Thing To Worry About!

As if things weren't bad enough with my Mom in the hospital, now there is this. There is a pervert on the loose pretending to be a doctor. He assaulted an 91 year old woman in the same hospital where my Mom is. I actually saw the TV crew there at noon yesterday interviewing someone but didn't give it much though. Later in the evening, security came to Mom's room and told us that there was someone coming to rooms behaving "inappropriately" huh! This man fondled a 91 year old woman and tried kissing her. I hope they catch the guy real soon.

On a positive note it would appear that taking my Mom off Digoxin has made an amazing difference. Her mental state has improved so dramatically over two days that I am convinced I was right. I'm glad the Doctor choose not to argue with me and at least try, kudos to him.

The grandsons are leaving tonight to go back home to Calgary so I will be alone again. Now that things are looking brighter I will just make twice a day trips to the hospital, once for lunch and once for dinner. That should cut down on my levels of stress. They are going to try and get her to walk and maybe rehabilitate her. The heart is still not working very well and there may be a blood clot in the arm. Updates from the Doc are to come later today.

Meanwhile, I will keep my eyes peeled for that pervert.

Poor Little Rich Girl Calls It Quits

It was really just a matter of time, I thought until Belinda Stronach gave up on politics. I mean after all who wants to be on the wrong side? As well her personal history shows that really, she has no staying power. She ran for the leadership of the Conservative Party and lost to Stephen Harper. When he didn't acknowledge her superior brain, she quit and crossed the floor to the Liberals. Now she is going back to work for daddy's (her) company. I wish her well, really.

Two more Canadian soldiers died today in Afghanistan fighting the Taliban. This on the eve when the six soldiers who were killed on Easter Sunday are coming home in coffins. May they rest in peace.

I have said it before, this is a futile and unwinable war. We are battling an enemy who does not fight a fair fight and who are tribal in nature. We could be there forever and the moment we think we have won and go home they will go right back to doing what they have always done. The stronger will kill the weaker and control through religion.

I think there are large parts of the world were democracy is just not possible.

On a positive note, I got the doctors to change my mothers medications. I truly believe that the digoxin was poisoning her and creating her mental distress. The doctor agreed that it was possible....and now, I might do a little knitting.

Battling The Gremlins

My mother is having the fight of her life, she is battling the gremlins from her past. She has become delusional and thinks she is back in the Russian sector of Germany during war time. It is not a pretty place to be. She thinks people are hiding under her bed ready to pull the plug (she has no plugs to pull) and she thinks someone is preventing me from visiting her when I'm just gone for a couple of hours.

Today for the first time I was told what drugs are being administered to her and one of these Digoxin, causes exactly the side effects she is having. Since there is very little history of drugs in her life it was difficult to figure out that this might be an allergic reaction. I strongly suspect it to be so, since she certainly wasn't delusional when she entered hospital.

What is scary is this, if you don't have someone to advocate on your behalf you are basically toast. I had the hugest fight with the duty nurse on the phone and demanded the drug be stopped immediately until a doctor became available to speak with me. We went around and around that topic for a good half hour and I still didn't get anywhere.

Digoxin is basically a good drug and does the job it's meant to on most people. Unfortunately for my Mom it's not working. It just seemed too strange to watch the mental deterioration happening so quickly that I knew there was something else in play. Hopefully I can get this sorted out quickly.

Nothing To Be Proud Of

I have always had incredible faith in the young people of today. In spite of the number of shootings and killings between young people I know most of them are inherently good and kind and have rarely had bad experiences.

I'm reading this mornings paper and came across the interview with some of the young Canadian students who were on the ship that sank off the island of Santorini last weekend. Here's what I read with dismay;

.....she and her friends had no life jackets. When she saw a man clutching one, she pleaded with him to hand it over. She said she made a fist and punched him in the face when he wouldn't.

He was holding it and he was 40 years old and we were kids,"she explained, adding that she pulled the life jacket from him and gave it to a friend.

(name deleted) said she later punched another man and took his life jacket for herself."

I found this disturbing on several levels, mostly because I was taught to always help someone else before worrying about myself and because two people died on that ship. Was the man this girl "punched" the one who died? Was he going to give it to his 16 year old daughter, that also died? We will never know will we.

I wasn't going to blog today since I have much to do this morning before I head to the hospital, but reading this story just really pissed me off, so much for random acts of kindness.

The Troops Have Arrived

The two elder grandsons aged 21 and 19 have arrived from Calgary to help me with the care of my mother, their great grandmother. They have taken over some of the hospital duties and has given me the opportunity to at least go and get groceries to feed us. For three days I lived on dried out sandwiches and hot dogs from the coffee shop. This hospital has very little on offer.

On Thursdays both my sweetie and me were sure we were loosing her but now she has rallied somewhat. She could no longer speak and was grunting to get words out. Typical stroke symptoms, in fact she was having spasms in my arms. There is little that can be done though since she is maxed out on blood thinners and they can't give more. It would cause internal bleeding, which is much worse. Also on Thursday she could no longer swallow and liquids were going down the lung instead of the stomach. They call this Ataxia, which is damage to the brain that controls balance, swallowing and motor skills and can be either an inherited condition, (woe is me) or caused by the stroke.

We await a Neurologists evaluation on Monday but things don't look very good. I will update the blog periodically but have lost interest in following all the latest events out there. Even knitting is suffering, although I did knit a whole sock while sitting in the emergency department. I will probably write about that experience soon on my knitting blog.

New Diagnosis - See I Was Right

I'm not a doctor but after being told about the "failure to thrive" I did a little reading on the subject. It just didn't fit the picture. As it turns out I was right after all, Mom has had as stroke, and a big one this time. I told them that right away at emergency but you know how doctors are, they think their God.

Now I'm told it wouldn't have mattered since they could not giver her any more blood thinners anyway, she was "maxed out" as they say and it would have caused hemorrhaging.

Yesterday I spent 10 hours in the hospital and will be doing more of the same today. Two of my three grandsons are arriving tonight from Calgary and will help with her care. Someone will be at the hospital with her 24/7 from now on. I need a hot meal and a good nights sleep. My offspring couldn't come his new baby is due any day now.

There was still stroke activity last night and we just have to wait until it's over to see if rehabilitation is possible. My Mom can't talk anymore her vocal cords are paralyzed but when she heard my offsprings voice over the phone, her face just lit up. I know she is in there and I'm going to do everything I can to keep her. All prayers are helpful, thank you.

Failure To Thrive

This is the diagnosis for my Mom in hospital. Is this a catch phrase bullshit diagnosis, kind of like we give up and let her die? I don't know but I intend to find out today.


I won't be blogging for a while, my Mom went to hospital yesterday via ambulance when she had difficulty breathing. After 13 hours in the emergency ward she finally got a bed. It's going to be a little busy for me in the next little while. My two grandsons who are 21 and 19 respectively are arriving from Calgary tomorrow night to help with the care. In our hospitals these days the patients relatives are pretty much expected to take the brunt of the work. I'm sure it will be helpful since the offspring himself can't come. They are having a baby any time now.

I know that what will be will be and I can't stop it or change it, but damm it all I really don't understand why my mother would have given up on life. I thought I was providing a pretty good place for her and other than her decreased mobility and heart (which was under control) there really wasn't much for her to stress about.

I'm going to work really hard the next few days trying to get her spirit back.

Crisis In This Household

Regular readers will know that I am the primary caregiver for my aging mother, and know of some of the health problems that she has. This past two weeks have brought one crisis after another with no real solution in sight. It would appear that she has had another mini stroke that has affected her ability to walk and also affected her personality.

My mom was always the most positive person, no matter what life threw at her, and trust me it has been a lot, she was always able to bounce back and see the sunny side. This time however, the darkness has crept into her spirit and I am having difficulty banishing it.

She has congestive heart failure as well and every morning when I put her meds in front of her to take she fights me. She absolutely refuses to take them and it takes me half the day to convince her that she should. Finally she does take them but blames them for everything, like her tiredness and weakness. Of course that's not true but convincing someone who never took pills is hard.

I wanted to take her to hospital this weekend but she flat out refused. Since her mind is clear it is really her choice and I have to respect that. Tomorrow her doctor is coming to visit (he makes house calls) and the discussion has been to put her on a mild anti depressant to try and change her mood.

My dilemma is this, do I tell her what they really are or do I pass them off as a vitamin? What is the best thing to do? Do I let her just slip away from us or is it ethical for me to try everything I can to keep her with us longer? That is what preoccupies my mind these days, it's even hard to do any knitting.