This is a subject that is near and dear to my heart since that day nearly two years ago that we moved my Mom into our house. My Father had died almost 5 years previous and I knew that my Mom couldn't stay in her apartment any longer. The choices were limited, she was adamant about moving to a senior apartment.
Fortunately, I have a husband who understood that it was my responsibility as an only child to take care of Mom.
So we did the only thing we could, we build an addition to our house and made a lovely main floor bedroom for her. She is quite happy there since it is pretty much self contained (except for a kitchen) and life is mostly good.
That does not mean there are not problems the biggest one being her health. In January we went thru a prolonged period of dealing with Acute Heart Failure and Moms refusal to go to hospital. That meant almost 24 hour day nursing for me and aministering drugs to a woman who really didn't want to take them. Every pill time was a prolonged argument as to why and how come she needed so many. To admit to feeling rage sounds almost petty, but I'm human and I admit I was pretty enraged at times mostly because of her non-compliance and my own lack of sleep.
There is a new book out by Jacqueline Marcell
that deals with this issue. The book is titled "Elder Rage -or- Take My Father... Please! How to Survive Caring For Aging Parents".
Fortunately for me I had a good family doctor and some great support from East York Community Care that was able to give me some assistance. With some good luck we nursed Mom back to reasonable good health.
The secondary problem of course is the lack of freedom to go or do whenever the mood strikes. Everything needs to be planned exactly and there is now a lack of spontaneity in our lives. Travelling anywhere now requires a live in caregiver for nights which adds substantially to the cost of a vacation. But the truth of it is, that no matter how difficult I could not live with myself if I didn't do this for my Mom.