I've Lost My Blogging MoJo
Hard to admit, but there it it. I think I've lost it and maybe one day soon I will find it again. I get up every morning and it takes hours to get mobile. Of course hobbling around with a 25 pound (feels like 50) cast on my foot doesn't help a great deal. Before I know it, it's noon and I'm still sitting around in my PJ's. I suspect the grieving process will take me some time. I find myself so angry at times that she died as if it was her fault. Of course it wasn't, it was the hospital and the care she received that hastened her death.
We had so many plans, so many things still to do and see. We were going to Alaska this summer, something she always wanted to do. She loved the mountains and one of her favourite places was Banff, Alberta.
I keep telling myself I need to clear out my Mom's room and every once in a while I wander in, pick up a few things and promptly lie down on her bed and start crying. Then when I've settled down I tell myself, tomorrow is another day. In this way almost five weeks have passed and the only thing I've given away is her chair. Maybe I'm in a depression I don't really know but whatever it is I'm finding day to day life difficult.
The chair was a beautiful recliner that worked with a remote to make it easier to get in and out. It was an ideal chair and I found a new home for it. It went to a lady who has a disabled right arm and found a normal recliner with hand controls difficult to use. I'm told she really enjoys it.
As for me, I hope I get my mojo back soon, there are so many things going on in the world to write about just right now, I don't give a damn....
Labels: Life
posted by Rositta @ Saturday, June 16, 2007
4 Comments:
Hi Rositta,
I'm sure it's not easy for you. If there's no urgency just leave it be for now. You'll wake up one day and you will know it's time.
That's a lovely photo of her with the mountains in the background.
I hope you foot is better soon.
Take care
jmb
It's tough losing someone you've been so close to all your life. Give it time... if it's any consolation, I seem to have lost my blogging mojo too, and I don't even have a good excuse for it.
I am so sorry to hear that this is so difficult for you, Rositta. You will heal; perhaps you just need to let this take it's course; don't rush the healing process. I had a loss a few years ago and I simply allowed myself to despair and cry my eyes out without thinking about when it would end; and one day, I felt that I'd had enough; that I needed to live again. And be happy. There is no guilt in that. Your mum wouldn't want you to be sad; go to Alaska anyway and her spirit will travel with you. xo
No rush, just give yourself time to grieve at your own pace. My mother kept my grandmother's things for years before she could bear to give anything away and we planted a little tree in her (grandmother's)memory in a place that she loved.
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