Two Years Ago

My beloved Mother was in hospital. She had already been there for two weeks with heart arrhythmia and we were waiting for an MRI that never happened. I was also waiting for them to give her a pacemaker which didn't happen until four weeks later. One week later she died. She died on May 12, 2007 one day before Mothers Day.

I am reliving that time as I wait for my twice daily updates from Greece on the condition of my Mother In Law. Today my MIL was intubated since she could no longer breathe on her own. I understand that this was a difficult procedure as the tumor from the thyroid had wrapped itself around the larynx. Tomorrow they will operate to try and remove as much of that tumor as possible.

My mother went into a coma the day before she died and no one was ever able to explain why. I was told that if I wanted to have her intubated I was only prolonging the inevitable. If she couldn't breathe on her own she would die, it was only a matter of time.

I chose to let her go as peacefully as possible. It was a difficult decision, probably the most difficult one I've ever had to make in my life. My husband stood by me in this time of crisis. I am unable to do the same for him. We are thousands of miles apart. I am sitting here alone in my house crying and unable to tell him, let her go. Don't cause unnecessary suffering. It won't change the outcome, the cancer has spread too far and wide. But I cant tell him that, not on the phone. Besides, he's not the only one to make decisions. Both my BIL and SIL want her kept alive at any cost. I suspect that even if my MIL had made her wishes known it wouldn't matter at all in the end. Things are different in Greece. Tomorrow will be a hard day.

The sad part in all of this...last September I sensed there was something not quite right. She seemed unnaturally short of breath and spent too much time sleeping. I brought it up with both my husband and my SIL and was assured that the doctor thought it was just her heart and the medicine she was taking. She was also hospitalized last March briefly and no one checked her over. The doctor now says this cancer has been growing at least 8 years and had it been caught even last year she would have had a fighting chance. Now, I think it's a crap shoot...