Damn - I've Had Enough Bad Luck

Remember This? This was four weeks ago and the colors are gone, the swelling on the other hand is not. Today I made a little trip to the doctor, who insisted on x-rays.



The result, two broken bones in my foot and a walking cast for six weeks. He couldn't understand how I have been able to walk on that foot for four weeks. Adrenalin maybe, I really had no choice. Well this will slow me down for sure, I'll be able to catch up on the knitting.

Beautiful Flowers

There are two beautiful flowers in my life right now bringing me some joy. This Rhododendron was planted by my Mom when she moved in with us three years ago. This spring it has five blooms, the most ever.

This is the second flower that is bringing me joy. Elliotte, my new granddaughter brings lots of joy and laughs when needed the most.

It's Over Now

On May 23rd, we laid my Mom to rest in a grave site service with my Dad. The service was lovely, the Minister a caring, kind man who read my eulogy for me. I wasn't able to do it, I cried as I was writing it. I sealed in in plastic and buried it with Mom. I know somewhere her and Dad are watching me, I have to believe that.

We had a lovely luncheon afterwards, a very good friend from out of town brought almost all the food and by the time I got back to the house from the cemetary it was all laid out already. Everyone reminisced about Mom and told their favourite stories.

While we were all out in the backyard, around the corner a police chase was on. Police cars, K-9 unit and media trucks converged on our street. Seems that two youth tried to break into houses carrying a loaded sawed off shotgun, were seen by an off duty police officer who tried to make an arrest and was helped by a citizen. The other youth ran, dumped his shotgun two houses down from us and was later caught. On tips from neighbours a grow op was found at his home and five people in total have been charged. I wouldn't be surprised if they were out on bail by dinner time.

The week preceding it was the hardest of my life. My sweetie and me kind of rambled around in the house, just the two of us like lost souls. During the almost three years that Mom had lived with us her presence was known and now she is gone. I keep going into her room looking around and crying. From where I sit typing this post I can see the back of her recliner and used to see her head and hear her tv. Sometimes it was on too loud and I'd get slightly annoyed but now I wish I could hear it again.

The weekend of the 19th was a holiday weekend here in T-Dot and my sweetie thought maybe he'd take me up to the cabin for two days to change my mood. Unfortunately that morning I woke with the worst sore throat I'd had in years. I wasn't going anywhere. He spent the weekend instead dosing me with Neocitran, tea with honey and lemon and chicken soup.

When my offspring arrived with the baby on the 22nd I still had my cold so bad I was afraid to go near the baby. I didn't want to infect a month old infant with my cold. Bonding will have to wait a few more days.

Neighbours and friends are dropping in quite regularly to make sure we eat and are not always alone and getting down. It's nice of them, really appreciated actually, but wallowing in my misery is what I really need to do for a few more days. A really good friend from the 70's who had been living in Vancouver for many years and now lives in Sarnia, drove in for the day yesterday. I don't see her often, it's a three hour drive and we had a lovely visit. She brought a rose for Mom to add to the collection. There are now three Mom roses in our backyard of all different colors.

I'm still limping around on my bad food, the one I banged up when we had our flooded basement three weeks ago and I'm sure I broke a toe. It will heal itself but I know from previous experience that it takes about six weeks or so. Meanwhile, I tape it up and continue with life. Someday soon all will be well, meanwhile my sweetie now has my cold. Time for me to take care of him.

It's Over - Now I Need To Know

The memorial service for my Mom was yesterday. We buried her ashes in a very tearful ceremony and I cried buckets. I had my son an husband to hold me together, it was a difficult day. At the luncheon following the service, Mom's friends talked about her life and the impact she had made on them. It cheered me up to a degree, although I will miss her terribly.

Now I need to know the following things and will do my damnedest to get answers. When she was first admitted to hospital they kept telling me she was scheduled for an MRI. It never happened, every day when I inquired I was told the one and only MRI machine at the hospital was broken. As a result I was never really told whether she in fact had a stroke or was suffering from heart failure. I need to know why the nurses where to "busy" to get her out of bed to toilet her. I need to know why I always found her in dirty diapers and when I asked for her to be tended to I was always told "we're too busy right now".

I need to know why no one paid the slightest bit of attention when I questioned her swollen limbs and suggested she might have a blood clot. I need to know why, when her breathing was so laboured she wasn't given a gadget they have that makes you blow in and out to exercise your lungs and prevent hospital pneumonia. I need to know their justification for all the drugs she was given, most of which didn't really make sense to me.

I need to know why a bladder infection, caused by dirty diapers, wasn't caught earlier and in all likelihood contributed to her death. I need to know why I never once met the Cardiologist, why I wasn't allowed to talk with him, why everyone from the charge nurse to geriatric physician avoided answering every time I asked. I need to know why when they finally decided she should have a pacemaker the wait was seven days to get it put in. It's not like it's a huge operation, it took less than one hour.

Mostly I need to know why nurses who really don't like the elderly and treat them with disdain are permitted or even want to work there. I was constantly accused of being "too intense", I guess I wasn't intense enough to save her life. When I told Mom's GP that she had died he was shocked, he didn't think she was that sick. She wasn't, they made her more sick in the hospital. The day I took her there, she begged me not to, she said to me "I will die there". I guess she was right and I was wrong.

Once I find out all these things I will be able to put this behind me and go on with my life. I owe it to Mom to find out all these things, and for all of us who will be aging and at the mercy of bad hospital care. If we don't change things the future doesn't bode well.

To Cheer Me Up

I am a Petunia What Flower Are You?

I'm Taking A Break

I need a little time before I can post again. I need to plan a funeral for my Mom and I'm doing so with a very heavy heart. I know many mistakes were made while she was in the care of hospital but there is very little I can or will do about it.

I have learned that the elderly are not valued greatly in our health care system, too many times I heard "but she's 84 and lived her life". Well no, she still had life left to live, and wanted to live.

My Mom died from hospital neglect....Rositta

Hertha Lucie Helene Gross - January 14, 1923 - May 12, 2007

Early this morning, my beloved Mother died in my arms. It was not supposed to happen, she was on the road to recovery from a stroke and pace maker surgery.

She had another stroke Friday morning and could simply not recover from it. We let her go in peace to join my Father, who died May 6, 2000. I think he was calling for her.

She leaves behind a very sad and heartbroken daughter (me), son-in-law Steve, grandson Teddy, great grandsons Justin, Bradyn and Cassidy and great grandaughter Elliotte Rositta Anne.

Go in peace Mom, we love you.

This One's For Anonymous!

Some time ago I wrote a post about fluorescent light bulbs and Ontario's new law that will ban them by 2012. Mostly I was whining about not being able to read or knit by what is currently on the market. I wasn't guessing, I have tried it. It is simply not possible for aging eyes to see well with 60 or even 75 watts. I need minimum 100 but am happiest with 150. I also didn't need the Ontario government to hit me with their Flick Off campaign since we are almost religious about turning lights off in this house. There is also the side issue of mercury on disposal or if you drop one and it breaks. Do I have to call in the HazMat guys to dispose of it? What are the long term effects of mercury?

The anonymous commenter said the following;

Grrr. You really have to get your facts straight. Compact fluorescents come in dimmable varieties and in full spectrum, so you don't have to put up with cold white light.

Quit your whining and get with the 21st century. They're more expensive, but they last longer, and use 4/5ths the energy.

To him or her I offer the following proof that we have been part of the 21st century solution for a long time.



We have been composting since 1989 and I offer this year's stash. Pretty cool stuff, it will make our vegetable garden grow really well.

We send an amazingly small amount of garbage to landfill, in fact I'd venture to say less than my commenter. We recycle like mad and I absolutely object to buying things with too much packaging. I have been know to ask stores to keep their excess packaging. Not always possible granted, if you have to return something you need the original packaging, but I try.


You want to save the world by saving electricity, good for you, start by buying less stuff, less gadgets. Forget the Ipods, Wii's, XBoxes, Cell Phones, Computers, etc. etc. etc. get my drift. We as a Western society want way too much stuff.

When I bought my first house, it came with a 40 amp power service. That would not have been enough to run all the gadgets that we demand in today's world, in fact I'd blow a fuse if I happened to have the coffee maker and vacuum on at the same time. But previous generations did just fine with 40 amp. Now most new houses come with 200 amp service. When a city keeps building huge condos all wanting lots and lots of power, that's when we have a problem.

Maybe instead of banning my light bulb, we should just cut everyone back on the power they can have in their house, maybe 60 amps. Making people live within their power means would be the smartest way to save electricity...just thinking.

And if Anonymous is still reading, learn to spell...

Nice New Grocery Bags

Ontario is asking it's citizens to stop using plastic grocery bags to help save the environment. These bags that I bought today are one step up from the old cloth bags, of which I have at least 20 and when they get dirty they look pretty ratty. Even washing them doesn't help the cause, they look even worse.

Then there were the large plastic bags being offered by some grocery stores which weren't bad if you didn't fill them up. They could hold 22 kilos of good, that's over 45 pounds. Who the heck can carry that? Not me, that's for sure.

This latest bag from Loblaws is pretty cool. They label it Canada's Greenest Shopping Bag and is made with 85 percent post consumer recycled plastic. There's just one thing wrong with it, it's made in China. That's the country that pollutes with wild abandon... Too bad, I won't be buying any more, I quite liked it too.

Finally, The Signs Of Spring

The guard of the garden, well sort of...the birds ignore him and the squirrels walk all over him. He's cute though



The tulips are putting on a nice show, unfortunately they won't last long with the heat wave were are currently having.


My Bleeding Heart, it's how my heart feels right now.

I took some time with a glass of wine in one hand and the camera in the other, to walk my garden tonight. I need some down time, I'm tired. Those daily hospital jaunts are taking their toll, they are big jaunts. I have a pedometer just out of curiosity and it's half mile each way from parking my vehicle to Mom's room. I walk over three miles a day now and for my back and hip it's way too much. Time for a rest.

How Safe Is Our Food Supply?

How many times a week do you eat fish, you know, nice fresh salmon filets or steaks? We're told how healthy this stuff is for our heart, nothing better than Omega 3, except maybe if the fish can poison you?

The same substance that has been associated with the deaths of cats and dogs in the United States and Canada recently has been found in farmed fish. Melamine is the substance and I always thought it was paint, you know the kind you use to paint cabinets and counter tops, meant to last a long time.

Well this stuff has been found in wheat gluten imported from China and added to the pet food and and fish meal. Why are we importing this stuff from China when this country has lots of wheat, I mean we grow it here don't we?

This is not the first time our food supply has been compromised, remember the spinach and e-coli, the contaminated sprouts on our grocery shelves, the imported carrot juice from California that caused botulism? That's all within the last 6 months and probably the only reason we hear about it is that someone died. When will the government agencies that are tasked with protecting our food supplies take their responsibilities seriously? Just wondering...

Things Are Looking Up - Sort Of!

It it wasn't for the sore foot things would be almost perfect. The basement is dry, the carpet tiles are back in place and I was able to get a new telescopic clothesline today (they are hard to come by). This picture is two days after the event and it's coloring up pretty nicely. It's a bitch to walk though and considering that I am walking almost a mile a day (I have a pedometer) just to get to my mother's room twice a day, it's pretty sore. My fybromyalgia has also flared up so I'm finding myself incredibly fatigued and needing more sleep. I guess I'm not surprised after a month of twice daily hospital trips. Hopefully I can cut that down to once a day now.



Mom is settled in rehab and we met with the team on Friday. They all appear to be very nice and caring but I reserve judgement for the time being. I don't really trust anyone in that hospital at the moment after what we went through. The only thing that still bugs me is that she still hasn't been showered. I was told that government standard is one day a week. I don't know if I'm just being fussy but it seems to me that one shower a week almost brings us back to the dark ages.

This is Elliotte helping Dad out at work. He's trying to get his townhouse ready for market and thought he'd bring her along to help, ya right. More of a distraction I'd say. I just he's just so enamoured of this little girl he can't stand to be away from her. He assured me she was very safe and there was no dirt or dust around.

I'm Pretending Today Didn't Happen And Going To Bed!

If there ever was a day I could skip today would be it. It started pretty good actually, I didn't have a headache for a change and this was the day Mom was moving to rehab, so all in all it should have been a good day. The sun was shining and the sky was blue but oh boy, did it turn bad.

I came home from the hospital in early afternoon and started chatting with my housekeeper (and in case you think I'm spoiled, she only comes bi-weekly and I have arthritis), when all of a sudden she made a beeline for the basement and I heart her say "oh shit". Now Cecelia is a lovely Portuguese lady who never speaks that way so I knew we were in trouble. Yup, we were in big shit, she forgot the water tap open with the sink drain covered, and the entire basement (finished) was full of water.


I did what I always do so well when there is trouble, I phoned my husband, who fortunately for me was working across the street laying hardwood floor for a neighbour. He and his helper immediately came to the rescue, set up the wet vac and the grunge work began. Because we have had the basement flood twice before, caused by sewer backups thanks to our wonderful Norway Maple roots, (another story) we now have carpet tiles instead of wall to wall broadloom so we were able to bring them outside to dry.


Without thinking too much I hung them all on my wonderful telescopic clothesline and figured we were set, three days of sunny weather and all would be well. Yeh right. The blinking clothesline broke. Probably made in China.

After everything was done and we'd all had coffee, I was carrying two empty coffee cups and chatting on the phone at the same time, I tripped over a pair of shoes and trying to break my fall ended up hitting my foot against a piece of furniture. I iced it immediately to no avail, I'm still bruised, sore and hobbling. Every step hurts.


Definitely time to go to sleep and pretend today didn't happen.

Who Believes In Horoscopes?

Every day I think it can't get any worse, and then it does. I have had three days of migraine and I think it's finally gone for good, well at least until next month. Now things are getting better.

I am not a great believer in horoscopes and usually don't even bother reading them but for some reason this morning with my coffee I couldn't help but read it. I mean, I need all the help I can get so if the stars are aligned in my favour that would be good. Here is what it said for me today;

You are pursuing a very wise course of action, but you are anticipating flack for your efforts to do what you realize has to be done. Despite your fears, the outcome will be far more rewarding than you ever expected. Positive change is coming your way.

With a small nagging headache still bothering me and unable and unwilling to take any more pills I made my way to the hospital for my late morning visit and when I got there found my mom still in bed sleeping. It was 11 am for goodness sake, where were the therapists I wondered out loud. I was again advised that they were short staffed. I corralled the occupational therapists and together we got Mom awake, up, out of bed into a wheelchair. As I was wheeling her to the elevator to take her out for some fresh air, I was told that I was too intense and forceful and was expecting too much from the staff. Dumbfounded I looked at her and said, "if this was your Mom?". There was no response to that and later when I got back to the room she cheerfully helped me get Mom settled for lunch. I think they drew straws and she got stuck with me because everyone else is avoiding me.

Now, I have to be very clear here, I have not been abusive, I have never raised my voice or spoken in other than a respectful tone with any of the staff but I have expectations of how a human being should be treated in a hospital and stripping them of all dignity is not what I expect. I have questioned every bit of treatment, every drug, every test and insisted on the pacemaker. I have worked diligently with Mom to get her to stand, walk albeit baby steps, lift her legs, and exercise her arms. Since they won't or can't I really have no choice and it is working. Slowly she is regaining some confidence in her legs.

This afternoon when I returned to the hospital for the dinner shift, the social worker gave me the news that Mom was being transferred to rehab tomorrow and would even be getting a private room, no extra charge. Wow, it can't get better than that, looks like that stars are truly aligned in my favour.

Do No Harm

I think that is meant to be the motto of physicians and hospitals but in our case they have done harm. It's called Hospital Failure To Thrive and it's caused by neglect.

The hospital my mother is in does not have the best of reputations but when one is transported by paramedics the choice is just not there. They took her to the nearest hospital with a free cardiac bed. After they stabilized her with drugs and because of her age (84) decided that the diagnosis would be failure to thrive.

After many battles with doctors it was decided that she would receive a pacemaker which went in a week ago. Now, after four weeks in bed my mother has no strength. She can't lift herself off a chair, she can't walk and she can't turn over in bed. The physiotherapists giver her exactly five minutes of their time daily and tell me they are short staffed. The charge nurses suggests it's the governments fault, not enough funding.

Where is all the special "health tax" money going I wonder? That's and extra tax that our Premier McGuinty instituted four years ago to help cover health costs and works out to about $800 per taxpayer per year above and beyond the already heavy tax burden in this country.

Two weeks ago as I was looking out the hospital window, I saw a huge, black limo pull up outside. Must be a dignitary come to visit someone and I wondered who in the world with money would be at this hospital, I mean if I had money, I'd be off to the United States for treatment. The person who exited the limo was our Minister of Health, George Smitherman along with two other persons and two hospital suits were falling all over themselves to greet them. That limo could have held 8 people easily yet there were only three using it! I meanwhile found out that the reason for his visit was to announce that the hospital would be receiving money for renovations. A little photo op six months before an election?

Meanwhile my mother has had one shower in four weeks and when they were actually going to give her one on Sunday there was no hot water in the whole hospital. Today, I spent two hours excercising my mother myself. By the time I was done my back and hip hurt but she was able to get up off a chair herself, walk a few steps to the bed and once lying down able to lift her legs up and down. That is a huge step forward for her and I suspect I am going to have to take charge of her recovery myself if I ever want to have her come home again. It sucks to be old in Canada, the system simply doesn't care and if you don't have an advocate your screwed big time.